Something About Change

Fellas, I’m about to let you in on a secret. Your woman already knows her flaws. Those things you constantly chirp on about? She’s well aware of them. She’s probably aware of things you haven’t even noticed. Welcome to Problem #1: The Awareness Trap.

Think about it. Men are simple creatures. For the most part, we want our bellies full and our nuts empty. Everything beyond that separates a girlfriend from a wife. But because of Problem #1, we’ve created Problem #2: The “Happy Wife, Happy Life” Conundrum.

Now, relationships get tricky. As men, we need our egos stroked. We seek a place where we can express vulnerability without facing repercussions. We need our women not only to treat us like men, but make us feel like men. But many women fall short because we don’t communicate our actual needs. The lack of communication leads to Problem #3: Silent Struggles and Hidden Hurdles.

When our needs aren’t met, we invalidate our partner’s feelings to validate our own. Most women I know respond by shutting down. They internalize, do some unrealistic self-reflection, and operate just above functioning. Guys, this is when those juice boxes you love become drier than a broken metal water canteen in the Sahara Desert.

So, let’s take the first step to fix these issues. As men, we must love our women with all our hearts, protect them, and nurture them with selfless love. Remember those wedding vows? “I promise to love, honor, and obey.” That’s because she was marrying a man who promised to cherish her.

By Cherishing our women we have solved Problem #1: The Awareness Trap. Just by keeping the word “cherish” in mind, we’ve already fixed one issue.

Relationships shouldn’t be an “I did this, so you do that” deal. We need to get rid of the “Happy wife, happy life” mentality. Women marry men who can lead the household, and men should lead the household. It’s your job to set the tone for your family. If you want love, show love. If you want laughter, tell jokes. If you want your woman to feel safe, make her feel protected in all aspects—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

As we begin to communicate, we lessen the blame for each other, and we’re not just pointing out faults. When our women don’t constantly hear about their faults, they won’t spend as much time in their heads. They’ll start talking to us about what’s going on with them, and we can begin to understand them better. This dialogue gives them the strength to understand themselves better. Silent Struggles and Hidden Hurdles evaporate, and when she’s operating as her best self, she’ll go to the ends of the earth to please the man who helped guide her there.

Trust me, fellas, when we learn to love and support our women in every way, they’ll do what it takes to help our needs. You might still wonder, “What’s in it for me?” Just do what I’m suggesting, and before you know it, you’ll be knee-deep in your juice box consistently.

If you’re a man reading this, what are some things you can do now to cherish your woman? If you’re a woman, what are simple things your man can do to make you feel cherished?