Something About Change

I couldn’t share this directly with my Grandmother, known affectionately as “Mama,” but I know I couldn’t be who I am without her.

‘ll never forget how I felt when I heard the words that you had passed; it just didn’t process. In my mind, you were invincible. No matter what was thrown at you, you always survived—diabetes, bad shoulders, blindness in one eye, the loss of a toe or two—nothing ever stopped you. You used to joke that if somebody didn’t want the rest of their years, you would take the. Until today, I believed you had a secret arrangement with God and would always be here.

You taught me to stand up for myself, or as you would say my “constitutional rights.” Whether I had a little or a lot, you showed me there’s always a way to help somebody. You taught me that a telephone call could keep me close to the people I loved, no matter where I was. You didn’t tell me you loved me a lot—you might have only said it twice—but your actions always showed your love.

When my father passed, you were the first one to arrive at our home. You allowed me to be angry and deal with grief in my way. When I graduated from high school and college, you were one of the first people to congratulate me with a hug. When I would get mad at my mother and run to your house, you would let me sulk and then send me back home. I always knew how proud you were of me because people would let me know everywhere we went together. 

I could go on and on about what I learned from you. I will always have a story about Mama, and now I know I have an additional angel looking after me. You loved in the best way possible, showing more compassion than the world ever showed you. Your legacy will live on, and your memory will live through us.

If I had known that would be my final time seeing you, I would have held you a little longer. I would have slept by your bedside, listening to your stories and picking your brain. I would have done anything to extend that moment.

I knew your body was weak, but you were always so strong. Now I know I need to use the strength you had to get through this moment. I love you, Mama, and I hope my words will reach your heart.